One evening, as I was pushing a lawnmower around my backyard, around seven years ago when I was writing Mary: To Protect Her Heart, this song came on the radio station I was listening to as I mowed.
As I listened to its lyrics, I knew that this was the song for Mary’s story.
Why? Because life had been tough for her in some ways – the ways that would make a lady think that men weren’t to be trusted, the ways that skewed a lady’s ideas and expectations of marriage.
Because of that, she was going to need a hero that broke the mold.
At this point in my writing, I hadn’t yet conceptualized Mr. Gabriel Durward as he appears in the story, but that moment with the lawnmower and this song was the beginning of that process.
There is an element of trust that accompanies accepting love from someone and giving it in return. One individual places their trust in another that either the love will not be taken away and so it is safe to accept it, or they place their trust in the fact that the person to whom they are offering their love will not disrespect it, crush it, misuse it, or reject it.
In the excerpt below, Mary Crawford is just at the beginning of possibly trusting Gabe with her heart.
In this portion of the story, we see part of why Mary is so reluctant to trust freely, and we hear Mr. Durward tell her for a second time that he will not let her take on water, which is his way of saying he’ll never hurt her and his way of asking for her trust.
As you read, I hope you can see how the what if questions in the lyrics of the song apply to Mary and Gabe.
Enjoy!
“To get to what I wished to discuss with you. I am a man of business, and I like to know in advance to whom I should speak regarding agreements. I know that you and Miss Crawford lived with your uncle, but neither of you do any longer. Therefore, should the admiration I have for your sister flourish into something that seems to be lasting, should I call on you or the admiral — or Dr. Grant because she is residing with him.”
Mary’s eyes grew wide. She had only just met Mr. Durward, and he was thinking of marriage? She had not even had time to make her desires known to him. She smiled. He was choosing her without persuasion of any sort. It was a novel feeling.
Henry grimaced. “She was handed over to me by the admiral when we left him.”
“It was an ugly scene?” Gabe inquired.
“Nothing was ever pleasant with the admiral,” Mary answered.
Henry shook his head. “What he said was reprehensible. Even in my former iteration, I knew it to be.”
Mary lifted her chin and pushed down the hurt that rose as she remembered her uncle’s words. “He had no use for housing a lady who could not possibly repay him in any satisfactory fashion.”
“He said that?” Margaret cried. “You never told me that.”
“I could not,” Mary answered softly. It hurt her to be so easily discarded then, and the pain of such a thing had not faded in the time she had been away from him. It should not have surprised her that he cared so little for her since he was so unfeeling toward his own wife, but it did.
Gabe wore the same expression as the one Mary had seen him wear when addressing Lady St. James. He was offended, and her heart thrilled a small amount as she realized that, presently, he was not offended on his own account but on her behalf. Perhaps. Just perhaps, she had found a gentleman whom she could trust with her heart.
“I will not say what I think of such a man while in polite company.” Gabe shook his head and blew out a breath as if struggling to contain his displeasure. Then, he smiled a small, kind smile at Mary and said, “I am very sorry you had to endure that. No lady should be so treated.”
Mary ducked her head as she thanked him. If she kept looking at his earnest, concerned-filled dark eyes, she would not be able to keep her tears where they belonged.
Had she ever felt so treasured? She was positive she never had. She could easily lose her heart to Mr. Durward, but she mustn’t. Not yet. Not until she knew that she could trust him completely. She would not willingly present her heart to any gentleman, no matter how kind and charming he appeared, and allow it to be crushed.
“Then if or when the time should come, I will call on you,” Gabe said to Henry.
“I would appreciate that,” Henry replied. “However, I am certain Dr. Grant’s permission could be sought in my stead. He would not let any harm come to my sister. Of that, I am certain.” Henry shifted positions, becoming even more comfortably positioned. “Now, tell me about you. I have heard that you have only lived in England for a few years.”
Gabe nodded. “I was born in India and lived there my entire life until I set foot on that first company ship. Then, my world expanded, and I was given the opportunity to see many places, including London.”
“And of all the places you saw, you chose to live here?” Henry asked. “I would think that there would be many more interesting places in the world in which to take up residence than London.”
Gabe shook his head. “I took one look at her on that first foggy, dreary day and knew I would return. I could have chosen another colony in which to set up my business, but no other port spoke to me as this one did.” He shrugged. “I do not know why exactly. Perhaps it was because the company is here, and so I wished to position myself as one of its rivals, set to take up what, I believe, it is destined to lose at some point in the none too distant future. Perhaps it was something else – the history, the architecture, the vibrance, or the idea that the heart of the empire beats from here. It could have been a dozen reasons I suppose. I have not paused to ferret them out. I only know that by the end of the short time that I was here, I knew I would come back. This was where I was meant to be.”
“Do you always make such quick decisions?” Margaret asked.
Gabe shook his head. “Not always, but I do not attempt to take too long in deliberations either. If one is not quick to decide things, one might lose out on a very profitable venture or place his money where it cannot possibly make him a return.” He chuckled. “I sound like a rather boring old fellow. Tom tells me I need to find something other than business upon which to think. I have always thought he was wrong, but I am not so certain any longer.”
“Have you been to the theatre?” Henry asked.
“No, I have not been. Tom has managed to get me to attend various soirees, and I do enjoy touring the museum and the occasional ride through a park, but I must admit I have not attended a play – though I have read a great number of them.”
“Then, I will secure an invitation for you and Mary to join myself and some friends one night.”
Mary shook her head. He could not mean she was to attend a play with Miss Linton.
“Miss Linton is a forgiving sort of lady,” Henry assured her before she had even spoken. “Mrs. Kendrick, Mrs. Barrett, and Mr. Linton might be less so, but is it not right that you prove yourself changed to them?”
Sit in a box with people toward whom she had behaved so dreadfully? The thought was perhaps the most terrifying one Mary had ever had to ponder. Mr. Edwards had been so cutting in his remarks to her at that ball. She was not entirely sure she was up to playing such a role.
“I would be delighted to join you if Miss Crawford will join me.”
Mary knew that Mr. Durward could see the fear she felt when she looked at him in surprise, for his eyes were filled with concern.
“Please,” he said softly. “I shall not let you take on water, Miss Crawford.”
Mary sucked in a breath and expelled it. How could she do anything other than grant him his wish when he was so gallantly offering his protection while looking at her with that intense, caring expression that caused her to shiver? “Very well. I shall do my penance.”
Her agreement settled the matter, and it was decided that soon, perhaps in a day or two, they would all attend a play.
